• This chapter addresses why many with mental health problems continue to struggle after becoming Christian, and sometimes even become worse.
1. Introduction 2. The World Is A Battlefield 3. The Church: A Feast for Oppressors? 4. How Did We Become Victims? 5. How do victims communicate? 6. Being a victim of an offense and victimhood 7. Learned Helplessness 8. Victim-blaming 9. God’s solution to sin 10. How Satan uses the Bible to force us to submit to him 11. The Good Shepherd 12. Victimhood as a weapon 13. The Victorious Christian 14. Practical exercise towards freedom. 15. Restore your trust in God. 16. Why God allows difficulties. 17. Church Tribulations 18. Final Victory 19. Afterword
Why can it be hard to find healing and refuge for Christians in the churches? Some churches are good and loving and can offer those struggling with help and relief, but many have a negative experience while trying to find compassion in the church. It is not a certainty that the wounded will find relief by becoming Christians or coming to Christians. In some instances, damaged people come to Christian groups only to be further harmed and exploited. There are several reasons for this.
In the book of Revelation, chapter 18, we see a statement: «Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird» (v.2)
This biblical statement is just as true about churches. In it, there are so many people with bad tendencies. Narcissistic people struggle for recognition and power. Others who commit awful sins yet seem to feel comfortable going to church every week and smiling as if they do no wrong. People preach one thing and live differently. Pretended holiness, hiding harmful actions. Or as Christ called it: «You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean” (Matt.23:27)
Many are running out of churches because of the lack of love and warmth. Gossip, bullying, competition, and discrimination are not strange occurrences either. Many abusers are protected by church boards, and victims are encouraged not to report the offense. Not to mention the many mentally unstable people who seem so attracted to Christian social gatherings. From liberalism to fanaticism and ritualism, they all have the same problem.
Why are there so many bad people in the churches?
A church can sometimes become an attractive place for people who have bad tendencies because of how they are received. It is a common saying that abusers seek people who are willing to be victims, and victims often seek new abusers. It is a repeating social behavior that many mental health students wish to understand and explain. Why do victims attract abusers? Why does the victim not break free from the patterns when they experience harm?
To many, Christianity is about being submissive, and that we are only good Christians if we tolerate evil done towards us. There is innocence found in being a victim because the blame is directed somewhere else. For a Christian, «being «good» is important, and it is easier to “feel good» as the victim. Another reason the church can easily become a feast for oppressors is that many within the church will not stand up against a strong personality. It is not seen as humble. And so, someone who is full of themselves can easily, more easily than in any other society, climb to an influential position without risking much backlash. Competition within the church is usually seen when two such people are trying to get the same position or place in the group. In many churches, you have all those desiring recognition and power who struggle with each other, and you have a large party of submissive Christians going under the banner of one of them or even all of them.
Finding their righteousness not in Christ, but in their submission. By not engaging in conflict, accepting ill-treatment, and choosing a lesser role for themselves, they feel «good» by their own chosen suppression.
Psychology Today brought an interesting insight: “Victim” is a compelling identity because it makes us feel moral and as if we’re acting out of necessity, not a choice. Author Jim Ferrell states, “We complain about the suffering that we have, and yet what we’re blind to is that we value the innocence we find in that suffering.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/are-we-done-fighting/202202/victimhood-is-tearing-usapart)Although not written about Christians, this statement is extremely true among Christians.
Victimhood is sometimes seen as true Christianity and therefore selected as a way of addressing life. After all, Christ was a victim and was killed, and as faithful Christians, we are asked to «take our cross up and follow Him» (Mat 10:38).
Some who have grown up with trauma and being a victim coming to a church and the faith, find it easy to remain in victimhood and some therefore never regain health and freedom becoming or while being a Christian.
The meaning behind “taking up the cross” can be misunderstood, and many think God will only accept them if they are as pathetic as possible.
The misconception is that the more mistreatment and evil we bear, the better Christian we are. Or if we are long-suffering, somehow that suffering makes us good. No one would admit this, of course, but it is often how it is played out. But others being evil does not equal us being good. The misconception of «carrying our cross» creates a banquet for abusers who can find people they can victimize for their gratification and find a platform to be admired at the same time. It is all a narcissist desire gift wrapped and handed over.
Some people cannot bear living this way, and over time, the churches are slowly emptied. In the end, the abusive people remain as kings, with their subjects accepting whatever is preached and decided in the church as the “will of God». They don’t believe they can or that they should rebel. Their salvation is assumed to be in their compliance. Speaking up is rebellious; rebellion is of Satan, and their perception of their virtue is lost while showing rebellious strength, so they remain silent.
This dynamic, seen across many Christian denominations, can be used to further harm people who are already wounded. Many people suffering victimhood, and Christians, don’t understand they are suppressed either by themselves or by others needlessly. That God desires and can help them to their freedom. If they don’t see that this is a possibility, they will not seek it or receive it when offered. They hurt, but they don’t know how to make the hurt stop. Some don’t even understand how they got hurt or who is hurting them. All they feel is this constant suppression and uneasiness. They feel captive in some way, and they don’t know how to free themselves. If their faith is entangled in the belief that God demands them to be submissive, it can be very hard to understand and act differently. No Christian who loves God wants to defy him. It is therefore only one thing that can truly free a Christian from such a situation. To be persuaded from God’s word that God desires their freedom.The statement “carrying our cross” is said in a context where there is a toxic relationship preventing someone from being a true follower of Christ (Matt.10:34-39). A few verses before, in the same setting, Christ says: “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword” (Matt.10:34) The statement of “carrying one’s cross” is therefore not an encouragement to submit to suppression, rather it is about choosing to do that which is right even if you have to stand alone.
God wants to impute His own righteousness as a gift to us, and will not save anyone through their self-harm or self-induced affliction. We are not purified by willingly living in hell on earth and allowing ourselves to be tormented by “Satan’s helpers». Although this state is not a written doctrine in any church, it is how many Christians live their Christian lives, constantly suppressing themselves.
Those who have grown up in problematic families usually either rebel against such constellations in the church on instinct or comply on instinct. All dependent on how they handled their situation growing up. Those who come out of childhood as «warriors» will easily fight any suppression and unfairness they see in the church. If they were a whistleblower in a dysfunctional family relationship, they are likely to become a whistleblower in a dysfunctional congregation too. Those who came out stuck in victimhood will easily comply and accept injustice in the church. Some do both back and forth, and they might struggle the most to find peace. For many wounded people, the church can either further harm them or help them to heal. If you are a Christian with mental health issues searching for healing, a church constellation might not be able to offer that because of human weakness and ignorance, but God and the Bible can.
Christ’s words: “The truth shall make you free” and «The truth shall make you free indeed” reveal that true Christianity is not about bondage or about us becoming submissive under oppressive people. (Joh.8:32 &36) Christ’s saying is about delivering us from the bondage of our sins, but many are under bondage from other people’s sins too. Either way, regardless of whose sin, if we submit to it, we become “servants of sin.” If we go from «sin» to another overlord forcing us, we are still not free. We go from one “slave owner” to another. Some treat Christ this way, but Christ denies that a relationship with Him is slavery:
«For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2.Cor.3:17) True Christianity is not to feel forced to accept bad treatment or to allow harm without speaking up. Rather, Christ says Satan is an oppressor, sin is an oppressor, but true freedom is with God. This is in part because God fights for men’s freedom to choose their destiny and their future. Freedom is with Christ. It is not about going from one oppressor to another, but about becoming someone who is in charge and responsible. Following God, in the Bible, is a choice we make.
Once we follow Satan and sin, the choice becomes forced, and Satan will not let us go. Sin is addictive and leads us into a destructive loop. When you invite Satan’s spirits in, they won’t leave even when you ask them to; they possess you, force your will, and have no respect for you.
When we choose God, we must continue to choose God every day because following God does not possess us. Every choice we make is made from a place of freedom of choice. God’s spirit helps and guides, but when uninvited, it goes silent. It does not possess. This is why true Christianity is freedom at every single step, every single day. God gives us responsibility for ourselves and our choices. He presents Himself as a role model, a helper, and a protector. A shepherd going before His sheep calling for them, not behind, and then hitting them so they move forward. He says: “My sheep hear my voice…and they follow me” (John.10:27) Jesus also said: “If any man serves me, let him follow me” (Joh.12:26) When He called His disciples He said: “follow me” and “And they straightway left their nets, and followed him” (Matt.4:20) By going before and inviting us to follow the principles of God is clear that He inspires and leads, He does not force or drag us along. Following Him is a choice we make. Even carrying our cross He says: “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matt.16:24). Christ does not place the cross on us or force us to carry it. If we wish to carry it, we “take it up” and “follow” by choice. Christ is a defender of free will, and no one can be a Christian if forced. The term Christian itself means to be a “follower of Christ” and implies free will. Not one person will be in heaven who was forced to convert on earth. Because God sees us as free human beings, He holds us responsible for our choices and our actions. With every choice comes a consequence, or a sequence that follows it. If there are three doors in front of me, each with a different color, and I choose one and walk through it, I will end up in the room or space the door leads to. If God made me end up in the other room, then the door I selected was leading to, then my freedom of choice is only an illusion. It would not matter what door I picked, for I had no control over what that choice would lead to. So, when God gives us freedom of choice, He must permit us to experience what that choice leads to, so we can intellectually evaluate it and make a future decision based on that evaluation. We enter the room of the door we pick; however, God offers education about what each door leads to, so we do not pick the wrong one in ignorance. God educates, he does not take over.
The Bible itself is the greatest evidence of this fact. Why is God’s word a book? God could have programmed it in our heads by force, but because he respects man’s freedom, he has placed his word outside in a book we ourselves have to choose to open up and read. We must put His words into our minds. We can pray for the Holy Spirit to help us receive the word correctly and understand what we read. To help us receive it in our hearts. But God won’t do that unless we take the initiative to help ourselves and give Him that permission. The whole idea of the Bible—God’s word on the outside of ourselves, is an illustration that knowing God is an invitation. The responsibility of opening it and accessing the information is ours.
The consequence is the product of our decision. If we do not wish to get to know God, we will not understand Him. If we don’t understand Him, we might fear him. If we fear Him, we might reject Him. Accountability therefore plays an important part in our freedom. When God does not want to force our will, even for our own good, then who are we to do it to others? If we live suppressed not able to evaluate and make our own decisions, another has taken control over our mind, we know this is not God’s method to save us. They are not acting on God’s behalf.
When we demand others take responsibility for themselves, we follow Christ’s principles. Judging sin in the church, and helping victims become free, is of God.
At one time, the people of Jerusalem were fasting, trying to get approval from God by their idea of humbleness. They taunted themselves, believing it sanctified them and pleased God in some way. Many Christians today have the same approach to God. God responded to them: «Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?” (Isaiah 58:6)
If our church has become a feast for oppressors and unemphatic people, then we the people are to blame for allowing them to harm God’s congregation. Our false idea of humility and Christ-like character has given them permission and the platform to harm. While thinking we are good, we have become Satan’s servants. We fed the monsters, and they are now our leaders.
We are not, and will ever, become good through others’ evil. It is important to know the difference between fighting evil with good and compliance with evil. If we don’t know the difference, we harm and we do not represent Christ.