• In this chapter, we will look at the devastating results of victim-blaming. Why do we do it? What does the Bible say about it? Why is it damaging to both the one to whom it is done and the one doing it?
1. Introduction 2. The World Is A Battlefield 3. The Church: A Feast for Oppressors? 4. How Did We Become Victims? 5. How do victims communicate? 6. Being a victim of an offense and victimhood 7. Learned Helplessness 8. Victim-blaming 9. God’s solution to sin 10. How Satan uses the Bible to force us to submit to him 11. The Good Shepherd 12. Victimhood as a weapon 13. The Victorious Christian 14. Practical exercise towards freedom. 15. Restore your trust in God. 16. Why God allows difficulties. 17. Church Tribulations 18. Final Victory 19. Afterword
The strange phenomenon of victim-blaming has puzzled many. How can people so easily convince themselves that kicking someone who is struggling is good? Why do most people do it unintentionally? Often, when someone has been harmed, annoyance, blame, and sometimes even anger are directed at the victim by their family and community. At first, it can seem merciless, as anyone who suffers harm would want compassion and kindness, so why do they not give this to others? When harm happens to others, they blame them for it, if not to their faces, then behind their backs.
Some think the need to “blame the victim” comes from superstition and a desperate desire to believe the world is good when it is not.
It is a way of feeling in control when we don’t have control. The idea is that if we do everything right, nothing bad will happen. But bad things do continue to happen to both good and bad people. The idea that someone’s son got killed in a car crash has something to do with their parents’ parenting, the child’s recklessness, and so on. It helps us believe that our child will not suffer the same way because we are different and do things better. God left their son to die because of some “secret sin” they had. In this way, we comfort ourselves that the bad things that we see won’t happen to us because we did something to prevent them.
It is very common to see victim-blaming when there has been sexual abuse inside a family. The family itself is torn apart, with some having sympathy for the abuser and others for the victim. Rather than blaming the abuser’s sin, the victim is blamed for creating meaning behind the hurt. And especially if the victim speaks up, he or she will often be blamed for ruining the family instead of the abuser. In any dysfunctional family situation, if one sibling has harmed another, or in cases of selfish neglect, the victim who speaks up is rejected. Blaming a victim is a heartless act that prevents justice and the recovery of those harmed. The only ones who are helped by victim-blaming are the perpetrator and evil itself. By blaming the victim, we at the same time say sin is justified in some way. This is perhaps an unintentional way of warring against God. The moment we defend a sin or make an excuse for it, we defy God and commit idolatry. Like the prophet, Samuel said to King Saul when he defended his sin: “For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. (1.Sam.15:23)
In the Bible, God never justifies sin. Giving an excuse for sin is defending its existence and its continued existence.
Jesus said, “If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin” (John 15:22)
When Adam and Eve sinned, Eve blamed the serpent, and Adam blamed Eve and God. The implications of justifying a sin by excusing it are huge. If an abuser has an excuse for harming you, he is basically saying you are worth less than he is. And that is precisely how it feels. By holding people accountable for their sins, God upholds their human worth. Sin always harms someone. For every sin God condemns, He also says those harmed should have been treated better and that they were worth better. That the sinner is not worth more than their victim. If we sin against ourselves, God says we are worth more than the way we treat ourselves.
“For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. His invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” (Rom.1:18-20)
Job
In God’s word, a whole book has been devoted to victim-blaming. This shows God is trying to prevent His people from victim-blaming. In the book, those who blame victims find themselves unintentionally running Satan’s errand. The Book of Job is about a righteous man who becomes the victim of a series of events. His children die in a disaster, His wealth is taken from him, and even his health is taken. He basically loses everything.
The story perfectly portrays how victim-blaming happens, step by step. First, his three friends come to visit him and grieve with him. They are in shock along with him, but as time goes by, they feel the need to find a purpose in everything that has happened. They investigate the reason it happened to find a resolution to their confusion and fears. In it lies their desire to feel secure from suffering the same fate. “If Job had only done things right, he would not have had these painful experiences,” they say. They start blaming the victim. “Surely,” they said, “Job had done something that justified these things happening to him?” “Surely, he had some secret sin?” Or, they thought, he had been selfish in his life. Anything that could make it make sense. They tell Job that God must be upset with him and that he has to repent of his sins. Job tells them he does not even know what sin they are talking about that could make him deserve such great calamities, and so he defends himself. He does not think he is a bigger sinner than his friends, who are not afflicted and argues for that. This makes them even more upset with him, and they now become almost angry, trying to force Job to admit guilt he does not have.
Job is further afflicted by their words. He does not understand how his friends are now justifying all this evil happening to him. Completely grieved, Job says to them:
«I have heard many such things; Miserable comforters are you all! Shall words of wind have an end? Or what provokes you that you answer? I also could speak as you do, If your soul were in my soul’s place. I could heap up words against you, And shake my head at you; But I would strengthen you with my mouth, And the comfort of my lips would relieve your grief.» (Job 16:1-5)
The whole book is Job’s dialogue with his friends, who are so persistent that Job is to blame for everything that happened to him, that Job gets even more afflicted by their “help” and no longer wishes to live. In the end, God Himself interferes and is rough with Job’s friends: “And so it was, after the Lord had spoken these words to Job, that the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “My wrath is aroused against you and your two friends, for you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has. Now therefore, take for yourselves seven bulls and seven rams, go to My servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and My servant Job shall pray for you. For I will accept him, lest I deal with you according to your folly; because you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has.” (Psalm 42, 7-8)
The whole book explains that bad things do happen to good people or people who are not worse than you are and that God desires us to have compassion.
Many people are led by others to feel guilt over the harm that has happened to them and end their lives because of it. To blame the victim is very harmful because a victim then must carry “sins” that are not theirs and that they cannot atone for or apologize for. Instead, the guilt will tear them apart from the inside. Placing guilt in the right place is important to help people recover and find peace. Victim-blaming is an easy way for us to not have to show others compassion, but according to Jobs’s book, in God’s eyes, we need repentance like Jobs’ friends if we practice this sort of behavior towards someone wounded.
Jesus also addresses victim blaming.
«There were present at that season some that told him of the Galilaeans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. And Jesus answering said unto them, Suppose ye that these Galilaeans were sinners above all the Galileans because they suffered such things? I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem? I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish» (Luk 13:1-5)
Here Jesus does say our actions can bring a blessing because he says if they repent, they might avoid this sort of tragedy. However, at the same time, He says the idea that what happened to them was because they were worse people than those it did not happen to was wrong. Jesus is saying they are just as bad. Yet, they were not afflicted, and the others were, and so He confirms that bad things happening are not always a result of someone being a bigger sinner.
Jesus acknowledges that some have caused the harm that happens to them. In the story of the paralyzed man at the Bethsaida pool, we see Christ warning him after healing him. «Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee» (Joh 5:14)
With the woman accused of breaking the marriage law, Jesus likewise confirmed she was in her situation because of what she had done. “She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (Joh. 8:11)
However, in both instances, Jesus partly removes the fullness of the consequences of their actions and frees them. Here, He is showing an example that not always punishing the transgressor is the best method. Showing mercy and helping those who have put themselves in a bad situation is following Christ’s example. So even when “victim-blaming” is right, showing kindness and releasing them of their misery can sometimes be better than accusing them. “They did this to themselves; let them rot” is therefore not the most Christian response.
God addresses all the standard ways people victim-blame.
The book of Job is very clever because he is the perfect symbol of the common ways we victim-blame. Job lost his family, and he had marriage problems (his wife opposed him and told him to give up his faith), yet there was not a sin he had done to deserve it. Job lost his health, a common area where people constantly blame others. Many religions see illness as a disease given by God because of something they have done. If a child is born sick, many think the mother has done something during her pregnancy that she shouldn’t have. Sometimes people get sick because of poor lifestyle choices. Yes, some mothers use drugs or alcohol during pregnancy, which can cause harm to the child. But from the Bible, we learn that we cannot assume someone is to blame for what happened to them and start attacking the already wounded. Rather, we are to try to help and to show compassion.
Another group of people often victim-blamed are poor people. Job also represented the poor when he lost everything he had, all his wealth, and had nothing left.
Those who are financially stable often blame those who are not. Especially in the West, they think their wealth is a result of their hard work—8 hours a day, five days a week. But a man in another country can work in his shop seven days a week, twelve hours a day, and barely have enough to cover his family’s basic needs. Some work in clothing factories with slave pay, and yes, they work much harder than a woman in a fancy clothing store in London. Yet, the first doesn’t even have enough to feed her children, and the second has a closet full of unnecessary clothing she never even wears. Even in a big city like New York, you can have someone work harder and earn less than someone who works less and gets paid more. This is life.
The difference between rich and poor is not always the result of who works hardest and who is lazy. It is a bigger societal problem, and every so often it is an individual problem.
If someone is afflicted with an illness, their whole family will suffer.
Not everyone can study themselves to top grades; some have too many issues to deal with or have cognitive problems. Some people who suffer from long-term stress might struggle with memory problems because of the effect stress has on their brains. If you come from a poor and loving home, you might still make it. If you come from a poor, ill-stricken, and problematic home, school might be hard.
We don’t understand why someone is failing, and we cannot always choose to victim-blame. Not every rich person deserves their wealth, and not every poor person deserves their poverty.
Thus, in the story of Job, we don’t see a lazy man who has afflicted himself with poverty; we see circumstances out of his control reducing his position in life. We see a man who worked hard and lost his wealth because of things like “fire”, “wind from the wilderness”, “war”, and “thieves,” and yet nothing of it was self-afflicted. (Job Chapter 1)
Then his ability to work was hindered by a horrible disease, leaving him in constant pain and unable to be as active as before (chapter 2).
Then he is mentally pulled down by his friend’s victim-blaming to the point of despair (from Chapter 4).
Yet in all this, we learn that Job was innocent of the tragedy that struck him. There was no “hidden sin” that caused it. There was no doom from God because he was a worse man than everyone else; rather, God said he was a righteous and good man. Very few can boast of having God say how wonderful they are like Job could. Yet all this happened to him. (Job.1:8)
The prophet Isaiah says: “The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil” (Isa.57:1)
Job, in his misery, uttered: “Why do the wicked prosper, growing old and powerful? They live to see their children grow up and settle down, and they enjoy their grandchildren. Their homes are safe from every fear, and God does not punish them” (Job 21:7, see also verses 8-17).
Psalm says: “For I was envious of the arrogant As I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” (Psalm 73/3)
Jeremiah also noticed how he, God’s prophet, suffered, and those who rejected God sometimes prospered: “Righteous are You, O Lord, that I would plead my case with You; Indeed, I would discuss matters of justice with You: Why has the way of the wicked prospered? Why are all those who deal in treachery at ease?” (Jer.12;1)
The Bible is clear that those who prosper are not necessarily good men, and those who fail are bad.
Plenty of people suffer from natural disasters, war, and other evil men’s cruelty. Yet, they are struggling because of another’s sins and not because of their own. Yemen is a good modern example of how war has left the country in a hunger crisis. They did not end up there because they were lazy. The war destroyed their livelihood. War has created poverty and hunger in many places. The elite causing the wars have plenty of bread, while those who just want to live a normal life have to take the consequences and starve.
The God of the Bible shows an expectancy for us to help those in need rather than dwell on how and why they are in need.
In God’s Torah, He made it a law for His faithful followers to always help the poor. God gave them responsibility for those less fortunate because, whether someone’s reduced situation is because of their sins or not, we are to show mercy and help. If we don’t and insist on victim-blaming, we are just making excuses to be selfish.
Jesus told about His second coming and how, symbolically speaking, he will separate men into two groups. He will ask one group why they did not help Him when they saw Him in need, and they will reply that they never saw him in need. And then Jesus says: «Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me» (Matt.25:45) Here we see those claiming to know Jesus and follow Him, even uplifting Him as king, more than willing to do something for Him. Yet, those in reduced circumstances are looked down upon, and instead of helping them, they have judged them as not worthy of compassion. Now that the situation is turned around, Christ identifies with the same people they would not help.
Christ was the ultimate example of how someone innocent must pay for other people’s crimes. He was«despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not». This did not happen because he was a greater sinner. He had not sinned. «Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed» (Isa.53:3-5)
Jesus was innocent; we were guilty, yet He was struck and hung on that cross instead of us. Bad things happened to Jesus because of Satan’s sin and because of our sins. Satan would have us believe Christ deserved what came to him because that would in part justify him for doing it. When Satan started his rebellion, many were afflicted as a result, not just himself.
Lazarus and the rich man
Jesus tells another story attacking victim-blaming when he makes a parable of a poor man called Lazarus going to heaven while a rich and adored man goes to hell.
«And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores, And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores. And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham’s bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; And in hell he lifts up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame. But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.» (Luk 16:20- 25)
Here we see Jesus going against the idea that the poor sick man is a sinner and the rich are deserving of the good things befalling him. In the parable, the rich show no compassion to the poor, and in the end, God will not allow the poor to show mercy to him. He is getting what he promised.
Victim blaming is so deeply rooted in our hearts and even in Christ’s days that these statements would be considered turning things around.
The blind man
The other form of victim-blaming that is not covered in Jobs’s book is the idea that if someone is in a pathetic state, God is punishing them because of something their parents did. Jesus addresses this attitude when they meet a blind man outside of Jerusalem.
«And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man who was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him» (Joh 9:1-3)
In no way were they to think that his situation made him and his family bigger sinners than they were. When the blind man, now seeing, was brought to the council to be questioned by the religious leaders, they were provoked by his faith in Christ and responded in anger. «They answered and said unto him, Thou wast altogether born in sins, and dost thou teach us? And they cast him out» (Joh.9:34)Whether they knew of sin in the family and thought his blindness was the cause of that, or they assumed sin in the family, we don’t know. Both the disciples and the Pharisees seem to know something about this man’s family from how they spoke of him. What we do see here is that Jesus takes away this argument. If he was born blind because of sin, why was he now chosen by God to see? By their logic, he must now have done something good to deserve it. The Pharisees would rather not admit that, and so they instead decided that Christ’s healing was not of God.
One of the arguments for judging in this manner is taken from the Ten Commandments, which say: “For I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me and showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments» (Exo.20:5-6)
This is a prediction of how a society that abandons God and the principles of God’s law will have more tragedy and misery than a society that listens to God. This is not so much a curse as it is prophetic. Selfishness harms the children, who are again likely to suffer. It is basic knowledge. Our own bad actions curse ourselves and our offspring. They are a symptom of our choices. Children are not forced to continue abusive behavior, but they will suffer and be harmed by their parents’ decisions, whether they do as they do or not. If parents abuse or neglect their children, their mental and physical capacity can be reduced. This will lead to less innovation and more poverty. It is challenging to undo the damage, and it can take generations to change direction, if at all. There is mercy when God says it will go to the third or fourth generation. It means God will try His best to intercede and give the descendants of those who hate Him the opportunity to be restored against all odds. God admits it can take several generations to do this once a family has done evil. It takes time for a family to understand the damage and not remain victimized or repeat patterns. If a parent sins against their child, the child, when grown up, is still confused and acting out their damage to their child. The third generation gets to see it more in perspective, will want a change and have the strength to make it, and is more inclined to reject both the sin of their grandparents and the victimhood and repetition of their parents. Thus, God’s word about the punishment of sin continuing to the third and fourth generations is a good estimate of the cause and effect of harm. It still represents a road to recovery in the curse spoken of in the law. If healing comes to the third or fourth generation, God has been working for their healing in the process, or else the third and fourth generations would not be healed. So God is working for every generation, even among those that hate Him, to help them find Him. To teach them right from wrong and inspire them not to repeat the mistakes of their fathers and mothers and choose a better way. However, this battle is not won without tears and pain, which is why God says the curse of a sin continues through generations.