• This chapter is about the only thing that can restore a Christian’s sanity and give us the strength, will, and motivation to make the changes we need to make to become whole.
1. Introduction 2. The World Is A Battlefield 3. The Church: A Feast for Oppressors? 4. How Did We Become Victims? 5. How do victims communicate? 6. Being a victim of an offense and victimhood 7. Learned Helplessness 8. Victim-blaming 9. God’s solution to sin 10. How Satan uses the Bible to force us to submit to him 11. The Good Shepherd 12. Victimhood as a weapon 13. The Victorious Christian 14. Practical exercise towards freedom. 15. Restore your trust in God. 16. Why God allows difficulties. 17. Church Tribulations 18. Final Victory 19. Afterword
The origin of sin is thought to be Eve’s disobedience when eating the fruit. The bite that caused Paradise to be lost and a world of sin to begin.
But what caused Paradise to be lost started not with the bite, but with Eve’s distrust of God. If she had not lost trust in God, she would not have eaten the fruit.
Paradise lost and Paradise gained are tied to the same thing: trusting God. Sin entered the world when mankind, for a moment, was deceived to lose trust in God, and we will conquer the sin in our lives when that trust is restored.
Most of the sin we Christians commit is done at moments when we distrust God. Living in fear is also a way of distrusting God. A Christian will therefore never experience healing or victory while distrusting God. It is not physically or mentally possible. We can do all the good things for our bodies and do all the mental training we wish, but if there is no trust in God, there is no victory.
Satan disguised as the serpent broke Eve’s trust in God by hinting to her the following:
• God’s standard is demanding (exaggerating to make God look unreasonable, although Eve corrected the serpent, he had still sawn that seed of doubt) (ch.3 v.1)
• The reason for God’s laws is selfish gratification. (Serpent insinuated God made the law because He was worried about competition) (ch.3 v.5)
• The serpent claimed God lied to protect himself (ch.3 v.3-4) (You cannot trust a liar. If He lied about that, what else had God lied about?)
• God did not have Eve’s best interest at heart (withholding important knowledge from her to protect Himself). (ch-3 v.5)
These attacks are performed on many Christians even today, and they do not consider them. Satan exaggerates God’s laws, and although we know the wording, the doubt that God expects even more is constantly suggested. Many Jews struggled with this for a long time, exaggerating and making many extra laws to make sure they kept the law properly. If we transported them to Eden, they would perhaps even abolish all the trees in the middle of the garden just to be on the safe side, depriving their people of the fruit God wanted to give as a blessing. Making God appear demanding and demanding things we feel are impossible to follow will breach the trust relationship. If we think God sets us up for failure just so He can justify His need to judge us, He becomes our enemy. Instead of God being our protector and loving father, He can become someone we fear making mistakes around. As if God is constantly watching to see us make a mistake. God let mankind have children of their own to better understand who He is. We do not expect a newborn to work to provide for itself, and neither does God expect us to do what we cannot do. We do not judge or mock our children while they are trying to learn basic physical and mental skills; rather, we are proud of every success they have and are willing to forgive any mistakes if we see them trying their best. We accept that children learn things differently, and some take more time to learn the basics. Don’t earthly parents brag about their 3-year-old’s drawings, even if the drawing is just a stick man with all the proportions wrong? Would we show the 3-year-old a Van Gogh painting and tell them how bad their drawing is in comparison? Of course not. Rather, we value the effort of the child and see their potential. We try to guide them as best we can, so they can be their best. We encourage growth and are excited to be by their side, even though they stumble and fail on their way there.
God mirrors our relationship with our children in His relationship with us. He does not expect us to know and understand everything at once or to never make any mistakes. He is happy with every progress we make towards becoming a good and productive person. He never expects more of us than is possible for us to be or do. His advice along the way is to direct our path as a parent does a child, not to destroy us with condemnation and critique.
Christ tried to fight the lies about God by proving and showing that this is not how God is at all. Giving parable after parable showing God as a kind, forgiving God who loves mankind as His own children was meant to break the image Satan had created of God through religious influencers. Even Moses, God pointed out these lies by claiming to be: “merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin…” But a God that only forgives and doesn’t punish is not a good God because that would mean He would allow abusers to abuse, and perpetrators to damage without retaliation making Him a bad God to victims, and so God added: “and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.” (Exo.34:6- 7)
Let’s compare it with an earthly father who has two sons. If one repeatedly harms the other and the father does nothing, the father is not good towards the afflicted son. A good father would not allow his love for the bad son to make him forget his love and duty towards the afflicted son.
Thus, it is with God as well. He is a good God because He does judge and because He holds others and us accountable. This is in part why we can trust Him to be fair and good. If he only forgave and never punished, God would not be perfect.
We can exaggerate His judgments and harm ourselves in the process, breaking the bond between us and God. However, God has said that if we do sin and want rehabilitation, He is forgiving and ready to receive us without judgment. He gave His son for our ransom. He took our punishment so that we could have His reward. “For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (John 3:17)
If we want to use God’s mercy as permission to do harm and evil, to continue to destroy, He will punish us not to gratify His “hate for us” but because it is right that He does. Whenever someone harms someone, there is a victim that God is equally responsible for. God is not unreasonable, but He asks usto turn from our ways with His help. Jesus said: “Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God” (John 3:5) We need to stop the harm, or paradise will not be paradise.
Many of the leading Jews in Christ’s day had made God into a dictator, and Christ had to really work on people’s attitudes.
You cannot trust someone you feel is against you or out to get you. And so, Satan would like Christians to think God is out to get them, for then our love for Him is choked by our fear. We will avoid him instead of coming to Him for help. We will cover up our crimes, blaming others instead of confessing them. Even blaming God. We are playing a game of defense with the one who wants to help us rehabilitate.
We are fighting our ally instead of the true enemy that caused us to fall in the first place.
Tragically, the ones who struggle with trust issues with God are those who are damaged and need Him the most. Long-term trauma survivors have learned to distrust authority figures, and God is an authority figure. Children with absent parents or who have been neglected might feel God will abandon them too. Those who have had severe unfair punishments as children made to take blame that is not theirs, might fear God is doing it too. Their whole religious service is about trying to avoid hell. A child who is picked on a lot, and constantly criticized will easily think God is picking on every little aspect of their lives, judging them, and criticizing them. A sexually abused person might be inclined to believe that God’s love is harmful and selfish. A child who is told they’re worthless will feel God thinks they are worthless too. We project our trauma into our relationship with God. Those with good and loving parents might understand God’s love perfectly and yet not understand trauma survivors’ toxic God image or know how to meet them with the right words. Because trauma survivors struggle with authority figures, trusting God is work, and it does not come naturally. Satan is kicking the weak while they are down, using God’s name. We are not to condemn those who struggle but: “Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters” “We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” (Rom.14:1; Rom.15:1-2)
Among Satan’s biggest attacks on God and us is to create dysfunctional families. By destroying families, he succeeds in teaching children that God is bad and selfish. The impressions given to children in their earliest years will follow them throughout life, and even if they become Christians, in times of triggers, their faith in God might often falter when they need Him the most.
Nothing harms a child’s future relationship with God more than toxic, absent, or abusive parents or a father who leaves them.
If you are a trauma victim or trying to help one, trusting God is a key challenge. Education on God’s love for mankind, for those failing and struggling, is important. A trauma survivor fears punishment because, in the past, it often came randomly, unprovoked, and was severe. It is important to understand that the one who comes to God will not be met with condemnation but with the offer of salvation.
If you come to Him wishing for support to continue harming others, however, you might have a reason to fear. But even then, God will first try to convince you to choose another path.
God says He is “long-suffering” meaning He does not have a short temper. He does not make decisions based on temporary anger as many abusers do with their victims. He will always offer grace if He can; He wants people to turn from their ways and not die.
“For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord GOD: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye” (Eze 18:32)
God will always offer the chance of salvation before any punishment. Usually several times. God sometimes knows it takes time for us to understand ourselves and others correctly, and so He often comes repeatedly with the offer of salvation throughout someone’s life. Christ said on the cross: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luk.23:34)
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (Joh 3:16-17).
This might be Christian A-B-C for a mentally healthy person, but not always for a childhood trauma survivor. Comprehending these words without worry can be hard; the body is alarmed even if the head is not.
The worst king in Judah’s history, Manasseh, was so bad that God could not save Jerusalem because of his influence. The city had become so overthrown by sin and misery that God saw it best to allow other nations to judge it. The city was conquered, and the people spread. Yet, after causing much of the disharmony and falling away, when Manasseh was in prison in Babylon, he suddenly understood how wrong he had been.
“And when he was in affliction, he besought the LORD his God, and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers, And prayed unto him: and he was intreated of him, and heard his supplication, and brought him again to Jerusalem into his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the LORD he was God” (2.Cor.33:12-13)
God could not save the city, for they did not turn from their ways, but He did meet Manasseh with compassion, despite everything.
God’s love is extreme, it is so extreme that people call Him unfair for not judging harder and sooner. When He judges, they still call Him unfair because they do not wish to be judged themselves. God is fair because all He asks for is accountability and a desire to change.
“My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world” (1Jn 2:1-2).
A Christian trauma survivor will struggle to find healing if you have done the unfortunate and given God a role in your trauma play. Know that God is not out to get you because He finds pleasure in punishing and humiliating you as your perpetrator did; instead, God will always meet you with the offer of help, assistance, and salvation. God does not want to punish; He wants to save.
If He can’t save, He is forced to punish. But He is long-suffering, He will try to reach you repeatedly. Therefore, run to God as if He is your ally, as if He is your safe place, and not as someone you need protection from.
Don’t listen to your doubts or Satan’s insinuation that God does not wish you well. He does. Or that God somehow makes your life hard for His own pleasure.
Man will fail us; they will make mistakes. If we rely on people to be strong for us, we will fall when they fall.
God is perfect; everything He does is perfect. We rely on Him because He does not change. “For I am the LORD, I change not” (Mal.3:6) There is safety in knowing this. His standard does not change, His righteousness does not change. We know for certain where we have him. Society changes, the world’s morals change, and definitions change, but with God, you know what you get. His character does not change.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13: 8.
Liberal Christians want to change God with the ever-changing society, not understanding how harmful it is to those who are damaged by the world’s standards. The morality of the world is corrupt, selfish, and unrighteous. Comparing God with the morals of the world creates an unsafe place for a survivor. God becomes yet again the defender of the evildoers and not the hero of the subdued.
For a good number of childhood trauma survivors, the ever-changing moods of authority figures or other children caused a lot of fear and harm. Even at good times, when their bullies or perpetrators acted friendly and kind, they could not relax or enjoy themselves because they were worried about when the mood would change. Their fears might even be relieved, as anticipating can be just as hard as the acts they are anticipating.
This is why many victims don’t leave their perpetrators. The anticipation of evil from an unknown person seems scarier than suffering abuse from a known person. Translated into a relationship with God, even the good times can cause worry and fear for the survivor. Understand that God does not change who He is; He is not good one day and evil the next. He is not Ying Yang; this can be healing knowledge for a victim.
“God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? (Numbers 23:19)
“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. (Isaiah 40:8)
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. (Isaiah 40:28)
It can get weary of doing good when everyone else is self-pleasing, but how terrifying would it be if God got weary of doing good? But He does not. He knows our lives depend on His longsuffering, and He values our lives.
“The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)
All sin is built upon distrust of God. Notice it yourself in your own spiritual life. When do you fail? When your trust in God’s care and love for you is questioned. When you question if what God asks of you is going to cost you something better, that He is unreasonable, or that the reward in the Bible is a lie?
The word “faith” is used a lot in the gospel. The word “faith” is the same word that means trust. The faith chapter in Hebrew 11 is not about the patriarchs thinking about a belief in their heads; rather, it is about the patriarchs trusting God. Because Abraham trusted God, he went to Canaan. Because Noah trusted God, he built the ark that saved him and his family. They trusted God’s word to be true and acted upon that trust, knowing whatever God asked of them was for their benefit. That God wanted the best for them.
If Eve had this trust standing before the tree of knowledge of good and evil, she would have replied to the serpent: “I trust God wishes me well; if He forbids me eating from this tree, it is because He loves me, and so I won’t”. Everything could have stopped right there, with her trust in God.
We stand and fall on the trust issue as well. If we trust that God loves us and wishes us well, we will follow His lead. We will find safety. We can replace the fear response with a love-based response.
“He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler” (Psa 91:1-4).
Survivors make a lot of their decisions based on “what ifs,” more so than those who have had a calmer and easier life growing up. Trusting God can pull them and us out of the “trying to save ourselves— they or us” mode and help us find mental peace.
Victims who do not get justice in the world, experience that it destroys them from the inside.
Knowing there is a God who sees and knows the truth can give that desired acknowledgment of value and comfort needed to continue. Knowing justice will come, even if not immediately, at some point. Calmly, putting this burden in God’s hands can help us let go. Knowing someone who knows and cares can be life-changing for any survivor.
“For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You” (Psalm 86:5)
Trusting God will help release a victim from victimhood, as they no longer feel they are under threat or danger. The realization that God cares about them and will watch over them and protect them can help against constant stress and worry. God knows the many illnesses and mental challenges that come from constant inner stress, and his solution to sin as well as our bodily stress is trusting in Him. This is God’s cure for all our problems. When we trust someone, we act on that trust, and those acts are our medicine.It has a healing effect and brings the mind back to sanity and health. We don’t have to struggle to be seen or heard to get justice anymore; we can get it from God and the certainty that He cares and has the power to help if we need it. “For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith” (1.John 5:4)
Although finding peace in trusting God can be hard for trauma victims, it makes all the difference to get there, to get strength to not pay trauma forward, and to conquer personal destructive sin.
No sin can be conquered without trusting in God. Distrust is the origin of sin; trust is the victory over sin. It is the most powerful relationship we can enter into, and it leads anyone back into freedom in the Lord.
“Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.
For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit” (Jer 17:7-8).
“All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out”. (Joh 6:37)
Satan leads many to believe they are not good enough for God. That because of something they have done or something that has happened to them, they are unfit for God. God does not create such limitations. Jesus said:
“They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance” (Mar.2:17)
God is the great physician, and He does not expect us to be perfect before coming to Him. He knows we need help to change, and so we desperately need to come to Him as we are, with all our faults and blemishes. Satan has hindered many from coming to God with the lie that they must wait until they have their lives together and have conquered their sin first. It can seem as if it is of God and the Holy Spirit because Satan can use God’s standards and laws to tell us to follow before coming to God. It does not matter what standard Satan uses, even God’s, because he knows if we try to perfect ourselves before going to God, we will fail and never go. If we think we must have conquered all our sins before God receives us, we will never come to God because it cannot be done. Thus, many Christians go on Satan’s errand while seemingly preaching the truth. “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we wereyet sinners, Christ died for us. And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement” (Rom.5:8-11)
We come to God while still sinning and struggling with our faults because we cannot grow and become free without His help. God knows this, so He tells us to come as we are and not try to fix things on our own.
You would not wait until you are well again before going to the hospital, but you go there when you are sick to get healing. It is the same with God. We are supposed to come to Him with our issues, so He can help us heal.
Jesus illustrated this perfectly by assigning a woman perceived as a sinner—a former demon-possessed woman—as the first person to share the gospel of His resurrection. She came to Him; she was healed, and she was given trust. She was a scorned woman. Just like Tamar and Rehab, whom God defended and protected. Even for many of the male antiheroes in the Bible, God could lead them to do great good.
When Jacob saw in his dream a ladder reaching all the way to heaven, he had just wronged his brother and father. He had lied, stolen, and deceived. He did it because his father had favored his brother. Jacob’s journey to recover from his sin started with connecting with heaven.
In the story of Jacob, it says about his father: “And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison” (Gen.25:28) But God said: “Was not Esau Jacob’s brother? saith the LORD: yet I loved Jacob” (Mal.1:2). God evaluates every person himself. And those who reject or even hurt us do not necessarily represent Christ in that action.
The same was true of many hated and despised people whom God loved. Like Zacchaeus, Matthew, and many others.
Trust that God is on your side, regardless of what has happened, and wishes to help you heal and start over.
He is not those people who hurt you; they did not represent Him or His expression of authority. God looks to your heart and is not persuaded by anyone in his opinion of you. He does not measure a man or a woman by gossip and slander.
God does not despise us because we are weak and wounded. He knows the wounded are even more likely to ask for help. While those who flatter themselves as strong choose to walk in their own strength.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak” (Isaiah 40:29).
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7)
Jesus did not lie when He said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt.11:28)
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. (Rom.8:26)
Trust in God is the true rest; it is the only real rest that exists and can possibly be obtained by man. Trusting God and acting on that trust is the kingdom of Christ within us. Trust in God is paradise restored.